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Life Review
Published by Chapster on 2001/10/14 (1858 reads)
Recorded in the KEOM studios
October 2001
Q: Occasionally, we hear people speak of life review. What does life review refer to?
A: When most people talk about life review, I think that they are referring to the reminiscing that we tend to do as we age. We may lose our friends and parents to death, witness the tragic unfolding of events like we have seen in the past weeks, or maybe we go through a personal health crisis or trauma. Suddenly, we are much more aware of our own mortality, and we tend to reorganize our values. Often, part of that reorganization brings about consideration of how we have lived our lives, hopefully with some tender memories of good things long past, and a desire to relive them, if only in recollections. Really, for me, even seasons have the power to stir my thoughts in this direction. Nothing awakens this awareness of the past like a cool fall evening, with the smell of leaves and fireplaces. Invariably, such evenings bring about a deep sense of wistfulness and longing for some days gone by. When we speak of life review, I think that's what a lot of people are thinking about.
Q: But there's more to it?
A: Yes, I think so. For us, good life review involves reflecting upon our life stories and considering what they mean and how they fit together. In other words, good life review seeks to use the events of our lives to find the patterns that make us unique.
Q: Why is this so important?
A: James Hillman in The Force of Character asks the poignant question: "After you've left, what do you want people to say?" That question has meaning to me in my work for hospice. Often, I'm asked to officiate at funerals. Whenever I do a funeral, I always try to meet with the family and gather information about the deceased. I like for funerals to be ABOUT the person. Well, in meeting with families, somewhere about 70% of the time when I ask them to tell me about Mom or Dad, I get very little response. In this enormously crucial time, when I ask them to tell me who this person they loved was, they draw a blank. Of course, they're generally in some state of shock, so some of this is to be expected. But it's as though the question was one that was NEVER asked nor even thought of. They may have some anecdotes or events, but those events don't seem to weave together into a quilt that will tell you who this man or woman was. So, the big reason for life review is that it helps us make sense of the meanings in our lives.
There are also other reasons for life review. It helps us as we reconsider our values, it asks us to do what needs to be done to make peace with the past, it helps us to plan our futures so as to leave with as few regrets as possible, and it assists us in understanding why we have made the choices we have. For instance, an elderly woman saves paper towels, reusing them until they actually fall apart. Why? Because memories of the Great Depression, the need for frugality, and the suffering of her family, though years behind, live as though they were yesterday.
Q: How does one begin the process of life review?
A: There are many books that can be a help, some of which are listed on our web site, some of which we have prepared ourselves. But I guess the best way to begin is for listeners to sit down alone and with loved ones, and start asking questions. What questions should they ask? Oh, and by the way, they should have a pencil! Here are some things to ask: If you were to group all your life into chapters, what would those chapters be? What was it like as a child? Did you enjoy your work, or was it a duty? When did you first love? What do you regret? What brings you the greatest joy? Of what are you most proud? What do you remember of your parents? What was the hardest time in life and what were the best times in life? In short, gather the information you can about your life or theirs and write it down or record it. Don't just talk about events. Talk about impressions, feelings, dreams, hopes, aspirations and failures. I know I have many that fall into each category!
Q: So is there more to know about life review?
A: We do a class on life review that goes for six weeks! There's lots more. But one thing that seems important is the idea that we can learn to USE the past. One of the really wonderful things about life review is that it isn't just about facts. It's also about activities, rituals and practices, that stay with us from our childhoods and bring us comfort. When I get a cold, I put Vicks Vap-O-Rub on my nose. It may not do a lick of good but that's what my mom did for me, and it always felt better, so that's what I do now. I bring back the comfort of those days, even when sick. When that cool fall day comes, the one I spoke of earlier, it's time to have a ritual dinner we created, one that celebrates Autumn and it's special memories, like casseroles, warm blankets, change, and the return to home earlier in the evenings that now seem to come quicker. All these things are the message of fall. The warmth and the food instill body memories, memories that bring comfort because of a connection with the past. You see, while we cannot relive the past, we can reconnect with some of those feelings. On a crisp fall night, I can still go out to the end of my driveway, trash can in hand, and smell the leaves and fireplaces and see the stars. Our children can experience a sense of connection with that past when we share it with them. We and they need these remembrances. We and the elderly benefit greatly from life review. Indeed, it may well be one of the most helpful things they can do. ;-)
October 2001
Q: Occasionally, we hear people speak of life review. What does life review refer to?
A: When most people talk about life review, I think that they are referring to the reminiscing that we tend to do as we age. We may lose our friends and parents to death, witness the tragic unfolding of events like we have seen in the past weeks, or maybe we go through a personal health crisis or trauma. Suddenly, we are much more aware of our own mortality, and we tend to reorganize our values. Often, part of that reorganization brings about consideration of how we have lived our lives, hopefully with some tender memories of good things long past, and a desire to relive them, if only in recollections. Really, for me, even seasons have the power to stir my thoughts in this direction. Nothing awakens this awareness of the past like a cool fall evening, with the smell of leaves and fireplaces. Invariably, such evenings bring about a deep sense of wistfulness and longing for some days gone by. When we speak of life review, I think that's what a lot of people are thinking about.
Q: But there's more to it?
A: Yes, I think so. For us, good life review involves reflecting upon our life stories and considering what they mean and how they fit together. In other words, good life review seeks to use the events of our lives to find the patterns that make us unique.
Q: Why is this so important?
A: James Hillman in The Force of Character asks the poignant question: "After you've left, what do you want people to say?" That question has meaning to me in my work for hospice. Often, I'm asked to officiate at funerals. Whenever I do a funeral, I always try to meet with the family and gather information about the deceased. I like for funerals to be ABOUT the person. Well, in meeting with families, somewhere about 70% of the time when I ask them to tell me about Mom or Dad, I get very little response. In this enormously crucial time, when I ask them to tell me who this person they loved was, they draw a blank. Of course, they're generally in some state of shock, so some of this is to be expected. But it's as though the question was one that was NEVER asked nor even thought of. They may have some anecdotes or events, but those events don't seem to weave together into a quilt that will tell you who this man or woman was. So, the big reason for life review is that it helps us make sense of the meanings in our lives.
There are also other reasons for life review. It helps us as we reconsider our values, it asks us to do what needs to be done to make peace with the past, it helps us to plan our futures so as to leave with as few regrets as possible, and it assists us in understanding why we have made the choices we have. For instance, an elderly woman saves paper towels, reusing them until they actually fall apart. Why? Because memories of the Great Depression, the need for frugality, and the suffering of her family, though years behind, live as though they were yesterday.
Q: How does one begin the process of life review?
A: There are many books that can be a help, some of which are listed on our web site, some of which we have prepared ourselves. But I guess the best way to begin is for listeners to sit down alone and with loved ones, and start asking questions. What questions should they ask? Oh, and by the way, they should have a pencil! Here are some things to ask: If you were to group all your life into chapters, what would those chapters be? What was it like as a child? Did you enjoy your work, or was it a duty? When did you first love? What do you regret? What brings you the greatest joy? Of what are you most proud? What do you remember of your parents? What was the hardest time in life and what were the best times in life? In short, gather the information you can about your life or theirs and write it down or record it. Don't just talk about events. Talk about impressions, feelings, dreams, hopes, aspirations and failures. I know I have many that fall into each category!
Q: So is there more to know about life review?
A: We do a class on life review that goes for six weeks! There's lots more. But one thing that seems important is the idea that we can learn to USE the past. One of the really wonderful things about life review is that it isn't just about facts. It's also about activities, rituals and practices, that stay with us from our childhoods and bring us comfort. When I get a cold, I put Vicks Vap-O-Rub on my nose. It may not do a lick of good but that's what my mom did for me, and it always felt better, so that's what I do now. I bring back the comfort of those days, even when sick. When that cool fall day comes, the one I spoke of earlier, it's time to have a ritual dinner we created, one that celebrates Autumn and it's special memories, like casseroles, warm blankets, change, and the return to home earlier in the evenings that now seem to come quicker. All these things are the message of fall. The warmth and the food instill body memories, memories that bring comfort because of a connection with the past. You see, while we cannot relive the past, we can reconnect with some of those feelings. On a crisp fall night, I can still go out to the end of my driveway, trash can in hand, and smell the leaves and fireplaces and see the stars. Our children can experience a sense of connection with that past when we share it with them. We and they need these remembrances. We and the elderly benefit greatly from life review. Indeed, it may well be one of the most helpful things they can do. ;-)
Tags: 
life review reminiscence past
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