After learning that we have a terminal illness, there are any number of tasks that we may need to attend to. This script from a Community Focus segment on KEOM 88.5 FM deals with the kinds of preparations that we might choose to make. PArt one of two parts...

Getting Your Affairs in Order
Taped live at the KEOM studios in Mesquite, Texas
May 19, 2004

Q:So, Mike, what are we taking about today?

A: Many of us have heard it said that someone was told to "put their affairs in order"� as they would soon be dying. As one who spends every working day caring for those who are dying, this phrase has a lot of meaning. All of the people I work with are expected to die within six months. Statistics show that most will die within two weeks. It occurred to me that it's never really spelled out what that phrase involves - what would be expected of a person who is supposed to "put their affairs in order�?"

Q: So, what does it refer to?

A: I think it refers most often to the financial and legal arrangements that establish a way to protect our estate and then disperse our estate to those whom we have designated. Most often it involves documents such as a will or trust. Sadly, many folks die without a will. If that happens, the process of distributing the estate becomes much more emotionally and logistically painful, and likely to produce family conflict.

Q: Would funeral arrangements be part of this process, also?

A: Absolutely. Families often tell me of the gratitude they feel for a loved one who made pre-need arrangements. The pain surrounding death is a great burden all by itself. The burden is increased exponentially when it is unclear how the funds will be gathered to make payment, who the loved one intended to use for these services, and what kind of arrangements the loved one desired. Much work can be done far in advance that will decrease, somewhat, the logistical and financial suffering of those we leave behind. It should be noted that pre-need arrangements, as they are called, can be unfairly advantageous to a funeral care provider, so consumers should do their homework carefully before signing on the dotted line. But, having said that, it is still an important way that we can put our affairs in order.

Q: I assume that it would also refer to things like living wills?

But, getting our affairs in order also refers to something that you and I have often spoken of - the creation of those documents that express how we desire to be treated and the person we are designating to make decisions for us when we are no longer able to make them ourselves. These documents are called the Directive to Physicians and the Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care. Both of these documents function together, and both are needed. Additionally, families should have meetings to discuss their wishes clearly and unambiguously.

Finally, it has been said that there are four things we need to tell loved ones during the last hours of life:

Will you forgive me?;

I forgive you;

I love you;

Goodbye.

I often think of all the folks who perished on September 11, 2001 and were never able to say those simple kinds of things.

Over the course of many years in doing hospice care, what I have learned is that the wisest people among us begin putting their affairs in order long before the doctor gives them bad news. Indeed, they make putting their affairs in order a daily practice. They have learned that the life lived most fully is the one that never simply assumes a tomorrow.

I guess the element that I want to focus on most, as we conclude our time today, is the need to get our emotional affairs in order. Life is so transient and fragile, that we owe it to our families to treat each day as though it may be our last. So, from where I sit, Putting Your Affairs in Order means most profoundly that we take the time daily to whisper the words, I love you.