This article was part of a broadcast that we used to do with KEOM-FM, 88.5. It's about the powerful emotion of grief.

Q:We have all had to deal with so much pain in our own lives and those that were directly affected by the tragedies across our nation in the past few weeks. Many of us will be experiencing difficult feelings in the weeks and months ahead as we cope with our grief. Would you explain for us a bit about the grieving process and how we grieve in today's society?

A:Through the generations we have understood grief and expressed our grieving feelings in very different ways. There was a time when mourners would wear black clothing or a black arm band to let others know that a loved one had died and that they were in grief. Different religions would have specific funeral procedures, such as an extended wake at a funeral home or in their own homes or those of the Jewish tradition would sit shiva - a detailed period of mourning. Today, we are expected to be over our grief in about 3 days - the amount of time that most companies give their employees off after the death of a close relative. Even in many religious communities, the expectation is that because a loved one is "in better place"�, we should not mourn their loss. So, the way we deal with our grief these days seems to have less social support - we have to cope more privately or in a more isolated way - and we are expected to do so quickly so we can "get on with our lives."

However, while we may not automatically get the support and respect from others while we experience our grief, it's important that we not underestimate our own needs during the grieving process, that we ask others for help when we need it - from friends, our faith community or from counselors who specialize in grief - and that we find some meaningful ways to help work through our grieving feelings.

Q:What is the usual time frame for a person to get through the grieving process?

A:There are several factors that affect the length of the grieving process. Grief is unique to each person who experiences it. It depends on the qualities of the relationship with their deceased loved one, it depends on the details surrounding the way their loved one died, and it depends on the kind of support a griever has from within themselves and from others. For these reasons and more, the grieving process will take as long as it needs for that person. When a relationship with a loved one was very strong, it will be reflected in their grieving process - perhaps by a longer bereavement or through more intense feelings of loss. So, there really isn't any set time that a person should be done with grieving - if one ever really does come to an ending of grief. Changed yes, but ended - I'm not so sure. I would stress, however, that if a listener questions the normalcy or time of their grieving process, they should contact a professional to get some feedback and perspective.

Q:What are some of the ways that we can better cope with our grief?

First, it helps to understand what the grieving process is really about and why we need to grieve in our own way. Reading books about grief is one way to help learn more about the grieving process. There are many good books in the library and book stores that your listeners can find about grief. We also have a list of grief-related books in our website, including one of our own, at elderhope.com in the Coping with Grief� section. Those who are grieving may feel free to post questions on our support forum, too. The internet also has many resources as well as on-line support groups. An excellent place to begin, after ElderHope, of course, is to search About.com in their grief sections.

Secondly, grief support groups offered through a church, hospice organization, or other agencies can be a very meaningful way to learn more about grief . . . Some of the things you might learn include the reasons for our need to grieve, how grief affects our entire being, ways to express our feelings in a nurturing and understanding environment, and alternative ways of coping. We have a list of grief support groups in Dallas and Tarrant county in our website and your local hospice can provide information about these groups.

Finally, here's some specific ways to cope with grief. Talk with a loved one about your grieving feelings, (someone who can just listen non-judgmentally would be great). Try routinely writing your thoughts. This approach, called journaling, is an excellent way to help the process. Try to set aside some time during each day to write about any grief-related feelings or thoughts you had. Some folks find that writing just before bedtime helps them to sleep better. Artwork, prayer, long walks, writing a letter to your deceased loved one as if she or he could read it - writing all those things that you would still want them to know - or visits to the cemetery . . . all these tools for coping with grief share one significant concept - the expression of your innermost thoughts and feelings. For in expression there can be a better understanding of our loss and better healing of our pain.