'"...And once we rob someone of the truth, no matter how well-meaning, we rob them of something else, the freedom to make choices."

One of the consistent issues that we face is the question,
Quote:

This month we address that question in our Community Focus segment with Dr. James Griffin at KEOM, 88.5FM. Click the link below to read more!

KEOM Community Focus

Recorded in the KEOM studios

Q: So what are we talking about today, Mike?

A: Well, with truth being a recent casualty in some segments of the business world, I thought it might be helpful to talk about truth in the health world.

Q: What do you mean?

A: Well, one of the situations that I observe from time to time is the desire of a family to protect a loved one from the news of a terminal illness. A common scenario is one where a son or daughter, well meaning, of course, takes Mom or Dad in for tests and the doctors discover, say, untreatable colon cancer. Well, from that moment forward, there begins a conspiracy of silence. No one says what's wrong or what the future may hold. No one really addresses the illness. Everyone just kind of avoids the subject. When Mom or Dad expresses a concern about their illness, the kids just minimize it and maybe promise that it will get better: "Dad, the doctor said its just going to take some time. You'll be okay. Don't worry."� It's the proverbial eight hundred pound elephant in the living room - everyone knows it's there but everyone detours around it.

Of course, what the family doesn't know, or doesn't want to face, is that Mom or Dad knows they're dying. They can feel it. And this is what is so sad in working with the terminally ill: When they can't talk about what they're feeling and experiencing, it only heightens their suffering. When the rules say that they can't talk about their illness, they are robbed of whatever little sense of control that they have over the remainder of their days.

Q: This is some of what people mean when they refer to medical ethics, isn't it?

A: Right. It is the basic right that we all have to the truth, or veracity as ethicists call it. And once we rob someone of the truth, no matter how well-meaning, we rob them of something else, the freedom to make choices. Let me make up an example. Say that Thomas, an elderly 79-year-old hasn't spoken to his younger brother in 30 years because of an argument they had way back when. Thomas has often had yearnings to see his younger brother, but just hasn't done so. He never felt any urgency. Thomas was recently diagnosed with a fast-moving brain tumor. His daughter has decided not to tell dad that he has cancer, "because he's always been a proud man and he couldn't bear to know he was dying."� When family comes in from out of town to see him, they are cautioned not to "tell him."� So they keep their visits short because it's so awkward to be around him and to be telling him things that they know aren't true.

Thomas, on the other hand, is a keen observer of the way people beat around the bush when they're near him. And, he's pretty clear in his own mind that what's happening to him, the headaches that can only be controlled with morphine, his mood swings, and his long periods of sleep, all these things aren't normal, and they aren't getting any better. But, he figures that his daughter hasn't talked with him because she really does believe he's going to get better. And, he sure doesn't want to upset her. But, because of this conspiracy of silence, because no one wants to rock the boat, Thomas puts off calling his younger brother and doesn't get to reconcile with him, something he might have done if he had been able to face his illness honestly. He also doesn't get to give any "life instructions" � to his daughter and family. Again, not being able to know the truth robs him of some important control.

Q: Are there times when it would be too hard on someone to tell them?

A: I think there probably are. One way to address that possibility is to ask. We might ask our Mom or Dad a fairly simple question: "Mom, I spoke with the doctor today and we had a long conversation. Do you want to know what he said?";� or "Dad, how much do you want to know about your sickness?" Phrasing it this way honors their ability to choose and it doesn't put the family in the position of feeling like they are deceiving their loved one.

I guess the thing I want to say is this: Recent corporate misdeeds leave us with a valuable object lesson. As cooking the books robbed many thousands of employees of future retirement funds, so also does failure to speak words of truth take valuable choices away from loved ones about how they wish to spend the last days of life. "...And once we rob someone of the truth, no matter how well-meaning, we rob them of something else, the freedom to make choices."