HELLO! Im the new guy!

unhappy HELLO! Im the new guy!

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Just popping in
Posts: 2
I'm just jumping in to say HI!
My name is G. Arthur Woods (Glenn)
I have been homecaring my father who has Alzheimers/Demenita. I've been with him for 4 years now.

I'm a writer, and am now working on a book about caring for my father. I'm looking for people who are homecaring, like me, to offer some advise as I put this work together.

How the Heck are ya?

G. Arthur Woods

Posted on 2003/3/5 8:44

question Re: HELLO! Im the new guy!

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From: Dallas
Posts: 262

How the heck are ya?



What a pleasure it is to see you here!

For those of you who haven't visited GArthurWoods site, you really should. He knows whereof he speaks, having been on the front lines as a caregiver to his father.

Thanks for stopping by and introducing yourself!

Posted on 2003/3/6 0:36

none Re: HELLO! Im the new guy!

Just popping in
Posts: 1
Hi glen and others reading this. My name is Mandy and I am a full time carer for my almost mother in law who is 93 almost and she has vascular dementia. It has been hell. I never once though it would be like this. I feel like I am living in a nightmare from which I can not escape. Gladys was diagnosed almost 6 years ago with having dementia. My partner has been in denial that there is anything wrong with his mum. Until the last 6 months I have let her do whatever it is she needs to do for herself because I wanted her to have her independence. In August last year she fell and broke her knee cap and ever since then she has deteriated rapidly. She no longer looks after her hygiene needs etc... I was waiting for my partner to step up to the role of caring for his mum but it seems that he doesn't want to so I did. I spend every waking moment with her and she sleeps in bed with me. She is incapable of doing anything without constant prompting and it is wearing me down. I feel most days on the edge of leaving. My partner and I are always fighting about her. I am here to help but the more I do the worse our arguments are. I don't know what to do. He won't place her in a facility because they are not safe enough for her fragility.
In January she had another fall and she broke her neck. There was no damage done to her spine so she is still able to walk. While on an outing last week she fell again and hurt her head. Now she has a slow bleed on her brain. He is so angry with me even though I was not out with her at the time. I demanded to take her to the emergency room which made him so upset with me. She could have died and it seems that no one cares because she is a lot of hard work. Even the doctor has told me if she breaks her neck again it would be better for her. I want her to live. I want her to enjoy the last months of her life but why can't her children. The family was not really close but were in constant contact. Me and my partner live with her in her house and have done so for the last 10 years or so. Does anyone have any advice to give me. I feel like giving up.

Sorry I have been babbling on but I didn't know where else to turn .


Posted on 2012/4/17 23:04

none Re: HELLO! Im the new guy!

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From: Dallas
Posts: 262
Hi, Mandy:

I'm sorry it took so long to reply. We have been considering closing the site because we are not able to respond as readily as we used to. Hence, we don't check the site much. At all, really. We are just leaving it open for people to get help if they can.

Still, I read your post. You are a very kind person to tend to someone for whom you really aren't responsible. I'm guessing you can't bring yourself to leave for fear that 1) Your partner's mother will be left alone and something bad will happen; 2) You don't want to leave your partner; 3) You are so invested in the present chaos that you really aren't sure where you'd go or what you'd do. Perhaps significant connections to others have dwindled because you've been so involved in caring for everyone else. Anytime we feel trapped like this, it's a terrible situation.

Do you know what you want? I suspect you do. Read your post again, sentence by sentence and ask yourself, "If I was disembodied, and watched myself read my post here, what would my disembodied self advise my real self?"

Your post is filled with pain. What would your wiser, disembodied self counsel you? I could tell you what I think but it would have little to no meaning. You are trapped and only your advice, wisdom, and resolve will allow you to move past this point.

Do I have any other advice? 1) Find your anger. 2) If you are still in this situation, choose not to continue as things are for another week without resolving the best thing for you to do for yourself. While you still have a self. I fear you're losing your self. And, it would be a loss to the world to lose someone who cares so passionately for others.

Mike Davis
ElderHope, LLC

Posted on 2012/6/9 2:25

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