What a wonderful site, i hope in sharing my Grandmothers story it will help educate others.....I wasn't sure which area to post in, as Prayers are needed, and legal issues abound...
I don't know where to turn, it seems my plea's lay on deaf ears. Every day that goes by that these issues go unheard i fear for my Grandmothers life. As i began to look into this, the worse it has become, and to those that just don't know, or don't want to understand....(could be they don't care unless it were to happen to them) it has been shuffled aside. I have spent many years taking care of others, mostly young ones that needed loving care and guidance, and now i am faced with a new path, one i embrace and will do all that is in me to respect, protect and educate my elders.
This i am sending is only the tip of the iceberg, i have explored many avenues, speaking with others that brought to my attention a pattern of this abuse.....physical, mental, and financial.....and it saddens me to realize it is family members involved.
A police report has been made, and still undergoing investigation....and in retaliation the perpetrators called DPS to say we are the abusers. (Not sure who they mean, as at a meeting the 'perpetrators' shouted and pointed fingers at any and all of us--with nothing to substantiate their accusations). They have hit and abused, threatened and pushed fear into Grandmother, and then say she gave them 'gifts' (leaving her nearly destitute, telling family members to put her on medical).
A loving Grand daughter
I HAVE RECEIVED NO RESPONSE TO THE LETTER BELOW, THEREFORE I WILL PLEAD TO ANYONE WHO WILL LISTEN, PLEASE HEAR MY CRY'S...THE LORD KNOWS I HAVE PRAYED, AND I HAVE FAITH IN HIM TO SEE THAT OTHERS IN SIMILAR SITUATIONS CAN LEARN FROM STORIES SUCH AS THESE, INCLUDING MY GRANDMOTHERS...
I don't wish to bother you with this but as my brothers closes confidant i know you will understand why i am writing. Todd called me last night concerning a conversation he had with Mother. I told him things i am sure he was not prepared to hear, but i felt there was no other way to explain what he said he did not understand.
I am going to try to explain this to you, in hopes that you can shed some light on this matter. I am asking for your help as i do not want to see my family torn apart.....I have tried for years to keep us together, and as long as i am breathing i will continue to. This has to do with my Grandmother (Mom's Mother). Recently she had fallen and fractured her hip, surgery was done, and she was placed in rehabilitation. I am sure you know that when this happens to an elder things change and family needs to make decisions. What i have observed, is Mother stepping in (which is natural) but making decisions that are not in the best interest for Grandmother. I am not the only one who feels this way, as i have had other family members question me as to why/what is happening, and why something is not being done. I addressed these concerns to Mother, only to be told by Mom "She will not change her lifestyle because of her Mothers condition" ok i said, What do you plan for her? Mom says Susan is handling it, i speak with Susan, Susan says it is not her responsibility. Ok, back to Mother....I ask if she has spoken with her sister, she says no.....asked why not? Mother says i don't know. Again i speak of concerns of Grandmothers well being, Mother says she is fine where she is at. Mind you, Mother had chosen a rehab far from family members. Fine, we will work with this. I go to see Grandmother every other day, and N rotates with me. I offer to take Mother and she has accepted a couple of times, otherwise she states sister S will take her on Saturdays (S has taken her a total of TWICE). Ok, so it is actually none of my business how often Mom chose's to visit her Mother......But, she has also made health care decisions that are not in Grandmothers best interest....Pastor X, in the short time Grandmother has been at this rehab, she has had to be taken to the emergency room twice for dehydration, and urinary tract infection. This past Friday Grandmother fell from her bed, and Mother made the decision not to have x-rays done, but to just observe her thru the nite. I was contacted last week on my job that Grandmother was running a very high fever and having chest pains, and may not make it thru the nite....i called Mom, told her i was going out there and would come by and pick her up. When we arrived my Moms concern was.....(as she was bending over the bed) she was saying....Mama, tell Susan to have a house key made for Vernon (she said this several times) i was stunned.....Grandmother started to shake, and i spoke up and said why isn't she being taken to the ER? (I stepped out and motioned for nurse to come in room) The nurse replied...we cannot transport her without family consent as it states in her files 'do not transport to acute hospital'.....Mom was not being responsive.....finally i said....who makes this decision? Mom said Susan....the nurse said no.....it says a family member....I said ok, Mother tell them to take her....Mom replies to nurse...'does she need to go?' Nurse says that is not her decision....anyways, after about 10 minutes of confusion.....they finally call paramedics to come get her. On the way to ER i ask Mom what is being done about Grandmothers long term care....she says she knows nothing about that......i try to explain this needs to be addressed.....she gets hostile with me and replies "Mother may not make it till then"....yes but it should be taken care of in case. Mother told me she does not have a 'Mother daughter bond' with her Mother.....and said she does not want to talk about it anymore.
Pastor Bob, i was given the opportunity to bond with my Grandmother, I love her......i do not like what i see.......Mom had Grandmother put Vernon's name on her house, Mother had Grandmother change the will from her and Aunt Virginia receiving equal shares to all being put in Vernons name.....NO ONE KNOWS OF THIS outside of Mother, S<who was there when it was done, and i happen to aquire copies of this 1 week ago. Here is the troubling and upsetting part.....it hurts me to even think it can be true.....this is my Mother i am having to speak of....Grandmother has told me that Mom has hit her, bloodied her nose, is mean to her, and afraid of her......I heard this from Susan also....there is so much more to tell.....i feel so lost... this can't be true.....but can not be ignored.....I know Todd did not want to hear these things......so why did Mother call him crying about.....something? Why isn't she satisfied that she doesn't have 'to change her lifestyle' for Grandmother, that it will be taken care of? So many questions........
My concern in writing you with this is hopes that you will help keep my family intact, and not torn apart by something that can be addressed if given the opportunity. Mom is upset because we were given power of attorney....i had told her several times to do this herself....to no avail.....
Will you speak with Vernon about this matter.....i don't want him to be hurt or mad......Thank you for listening....
NO RESPONSE...HUMMM...STRANGE...FOR I WAS A GUEST IN PASTOR X's HOME THIS PAST NOV. 2001 FOR MY BROTHERS WEDDING (I FOUND OUT WHAT HAS BEEN HAPPENING IN DEC 2001 WHEN GRANDMOTHER FELL)
THE NEXT LETTER SENT....
Pastor X, Pastor Y, and anyone who shall listen....
This is one of many stories, that tells of what is happening to our
elders....I cannot believe OUR own Grandmother has a story similar to this....her assets, medical coverage taken, stripped.
Trying to comfort her, love her, so that she is happy and safe.....tonight she lays in the emergency room, only the 3 of us there for her (and everyone has been notified of this), but she is a fighter and we pray she will make it through yet another hurdle.....we try not to show our worry as her medical bills rise,we will do the best we can.....what once was carefully planned for her care is gone, betrayed by those who befriended her. We will not let her go as this story tells.....
I am sending this to you Pastor X, because you are a part of this unGodly act that has befell our Grandmother......She has nothing, not even her home she had requested to sell, to pay for her care as you hold tight to and have no right to, no CD's Grandfather had placed there for her, her worldly possessions gone...
Tell me brother.....have you no compassion?
PASTOR X'S RESPONSE
If you ever wrtie me again or contact me again..I will come and take you
I WILL CONTINUE TO HOLD MY BROTHER IN MY HEART AND PRAY FOR HIM>LOVE THE SINNER-HATE THE SIN (ST. AUGUSTINE)
HERE IS THE STORY I SENT, IT TELLS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO OUR ELDERS...
The Jimmy Callahan Story
Jimmy Callahan was 85 years-old when a young woman stepped on his foot as he stood outside a senior center. To apologize, she invited him for coffee. Alone since his wife's death, Mr. C. reveled in the companionship she and her extended family came to provide. He was not a wealthy man, but like so many of our seniors, he'd saved enough to live his final years in comfort. He had enough, in fact, so that when his new friend's daughter needed an operation, he gave her $5,000. When her sister longed for a beauty shop, he could finance that dream. And when her brother required equipment for his roofing company, he would gladly invest there, as well.
What Jimmy Callahan didn't know was that there was no operation. The beauty shop he saw from the car window belonged to someone else. And the woman's brother was actually her husband. Mr. C. lost over $185,000 to his newfound "friends".
In the end, when Jimmy Callahan had nothing left to give, was blind and could no longer walk; the suspect simply dropped him off at a hospital and drove away. In his final days, Jimmy's piercingly blue cataract-filled eyes told the story better than we ever could; the pain, humiliation and loss that comes from being betrayed.
On January 1, 1997, destitute and on public assistance, Mr. Callahan died in a 27-bed unit at Laguna Honda Hospital. His "sweetheart" was never arrested nor even questioned by police. She is now married to another 89-year-old Bay Area man. The system failed Jimmy Callahan. We at ElderAngels are committed to the fight against financial elder abuse. We owe it to Jimmy Callahan and all the elderly who have fallen victim to such crimes.
I HAVE BEEN TOLD TO PUT MY GRANDMOTHER ON MEDICAL, WHY? NO, I WILL NOT LET HER GO THIS WAY.....SHE WILL LIVE HER REMAINING DAYS IN WARMTH, LOVE, AND DIGNITY....
ONCE AGAIN, HEAR MY PLEA'S.......PLEASE HELP ME HELP GRANDMOTHER
Posted on 2002/4/12 13:00
Thanks for posting. I'm sure you adjusted your posts so that they would have no accurate names or personally identifiable information, but for safety's sake I edited the post so that I know that there is no personally identifiable info .
Having said that, our prayers are certainly with you and your Grandmother in this very difficult time, as you try to navigate through the minefield of difficult family stuff. See you other post for more info.
Posted on 2002/4/13 1:57
I want to express to you my deep sorrow for the pain that you are experiencing relating to your grandmother's care . . . our elders deserve the tender support and love that upholds their dignity and respect. We pray that your grandmother will know that she is cared for and loved by those who have her well-being at heart. Please know that you will continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.
Posted on 2002/4/14 12:03