Caring for my dad since my mom passed.

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normal Caring for my dad since my mom passed.

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Just popping in
Joined:
2004/1/29
Posts: 3
I just recently moved in with my dad, my mom passed away 3 years ago to a very very short battle of esphoygus cancer. I was in shock, it devastated all of us, she went in for a routine physical that she does yearly and finds esphoygus cancer stage III , 2 tumors, no hope, she died in 4 months. I have finally after 3 years feel like l/2 myself again, it was a long way home for me and my dad, they were married for 53 years. He has been having some trouble with falling which they have a dx of vasulitis which is like nerve damage but he uses his walker and still goes to church and pr work at his business he sold a couple of years ago. I am just looking for a few nice pen pals who would like to share their grief or happiness. Thank you for listening.
Respectfully
Angel
My email address is
This really looks like a wonderful site. Hello


Posted on 2004/2/5 22:52




normal Re: Caring for my dad since my mom passed.


Webmaster
Joined:
2003/4/26
From: Dallas
Posts: 262
Dear Angel:

Thank you for dropping by ElderHope and for the cooments about the site. We try pretty hard with wha time we have left over.

It pains us to hear the sadness you have experienced during your mother's illness and after her death. Certainly, your words speak eloquently the depth of love you have for her.

I'm glad that your father is able to continue to do the things he enjoys. I hope also that you will increasingly find things that you enjoy and take pleasure in. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I suspect that both your mom and your dad would want you to find peace and reinvest yourself in life and living. She must have had a pretty important place in your life.

Certainly, our prayers are with you.

Also, and this is the webmaster in me talking here, be careful about posting your e-mail address on any forum in plain view. I understand that you welcome the support and human contact and that makes perfect sense. I just worry that you'll get spammed by the not-nice folks who troll all sites for e-mail addresses and then send spam and viruses. It doens't matter what the site is. We certainly won't send spam (heck, we even have a hard time sending out our newsletter ). But, our site is often "spidered" by search engines and those with more insidious purposes. So, I want to say that if you start to get a bunch of spam, just edit your post to leave out your e-amil address. Folks can get your address by clicking on the link which is your username or they can private message you (a very useful utility on this site, though little used).

God bless you and we just said a prayer for you. Here's to finding your way!

Mike
Co-Founder,
ElderHope, LLC


Posted on 2004/2/6 2:26


_________________
<strong><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="color:#990000;">For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.<br /><br />--H.L. Mencken</span></span></strong> <img src="http://www.elderhope.com/uploads/smil3db...


normal Re: Caring for my dad since my mom passed.


Quite a regular
Joined:
2002/12/10
From: Rowlett
Posts: 56
Dear Angel - With Mike, I am sorry for the loss of your mother and for the grief that you and your father and family have experienced . . . you mentioned that your mom died 3 years ago and that your starting to feel a little better with your grief now. I just wanted to say that I understand how the grieving process seems to change and spiral up/down after the death of a loved one and that time really can't "quantify" how we should feel in our grief.

My dad died in 1984 and I feel that I have worked my way through this loss - a loss of a really close relationship. However, just yesterday, my brother sent me some of dad's personal items that he recently found, including documents from his war days, and I immediately felt the pain of loss for my dad, as strong and deep as I have not felt in quite some time. I know this is normal. I know that I'll feel better soon. However, "knowing" how you are dealing with grief sometimes doesn't help with the "feeling" part. So, I just want to say that although some days may still be hard, there will be better days too. And that it can be helpful throughout it all to allow yourself to feel your loss and share your grief with caring others . . . I'll keep checking in to see if you've left a message . . . please take care in the meantime, Angel -
Blessings to you and your father -
Barb - the other co-founder of ElderHope:)


Posted on 2004/2/6 9:13




normal Re: Caring for my dad since my mom passed.

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Just popping in
Joined:
2004/1/29
Posts: 3
Thank you so much for your warm welcome. I can see you and your wife i believe you said are the founders of this site, you wrote me a very caring letter, thank you again, and yes she was very inspirational in my life, i guess if feel that if i can look as good in my two sons life as she did in mine i am a wonderful mom too.
Respectfully
Angel


Posted on 2004/2/6 22:16




normal Re: Caring for my dad since my mom passed.


Just popping in
Joined:
2004/1/29
Posts: 3
Thank you so much for your lovely comments on how i feel and yes it took me a long time and a long way to even get this far, i guess the worse advice i got was, you will be fine in a year, grieving takes about a year, i can't tell you how many times i heard that, but as the year approached i got worse, then i got scared, i started to think maybe i won't get better, maybe i will grieve like this forever. I had a job i loved that i worked for about l0 years and quit after 8 months after mom passed, and 3 months ago the bosses asked me back, i have 2 wonderful offices to myself and i went back to work a month ago. I know mom is smiling at me now. The same doors that i left with such grief was the same door i went back into. Funny not much changed. Thank you for your caring letter, and some days are still bad but i am trying to work through them.
Respectfully
Angel


Posted on 2004/2/6 22:21




normal Re: Caring for my dad since my mom passed.

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Webmaster
Joined:
2003/4/26
From: Dallas
Posts: 262
Poetsangel:

We're so glad to hear of the changes that are occurring for you in these days. Grief is a very scary thing - such powerful emotions and troubling feelings, especially when it was for one that was so deeply cared for. I remember when I was going through a very powerful period of loss. I couldn't rememeber a thing. I'd show up for meetings late, if at all. I'd forget important dates, I felt very much like I was going crazy (some might say that I was - and still am - ) It took a long time for me to feel at home in the world again. Of course, a dear group of friends and my soulmate, ElderHope's co-founder, also made it possible). Anyway, while I don't know the pain you were going through, in my smaller experience, I do remember that I also felt like I was losing perspective - and it's a terrible thing. So, I'm very happy that things are going better for you, and I trust they will continue to do so!

One final note ... She must have been a very special person!


Posted on 2004/2/11 1:39


_________________
<strong><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="color:#990000;">For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.<br /><br />--H.L. Mencken</span></span></strong> <img src="http://www.elderhope.com/uploads/smil3db...


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