Re: grief in the dementia patient

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none Re: grief in the dementia patient

I live far from my mother, but I have watched dementia slowly erode her ability to stay safely in her home when I visit or would pick her up for a visit. I received a phone call from her Dr. last week telling me that I need to come pick my mother up as she can no longer live on her own (she ended up in hospital for dehydration, her 3rd bladder infection this year,and a fall that resulted in chipping her vertibra). She has lost significant amounts of weight this year. I picked her up, hired someone to care for her two cats and a dog (which she adores more than anything) and we locked up her home and brought her 10 hours to my home. I am a social worker by training and run Aging and Disability programs, but I never dreamed how hard caring for my mother was going to be. She was compliant as she was more confused and disoriented. Now that she is taking her medications, eating and drinking at our house, she has become hostile and angry towards me because my family (my young son, husband and college age daughter) all want Grandma here, but we can't take her cats and dogs. She wants to go home and perseverates on this all day long. She gets angry, and follows me around badgering me to take her home, that this was trickery, etc... It is very hard to take. She is on Namenda, Wellbutrin, and Toprol, and a daily B12 and an Asperine. I just called the doctor to ask that he please Rx. an anti-anxiety medication, which he did today. It is Xanax .25 mgs TID. She can't be easily distracted and redirected. I am only into this my 2nd week, but I have to return to work tomorrow. She doesn't wander, she actually does o.k. at my home as long as she has someone such as me to remind of medication, eating, drinking, getting to appointments. But her anger is increasing as the days pass. She insists she can live on her own, the Dr. says she can't and she is in middle stages Alzheimers D. She has no insight at all. I don't know if she will adjust? She really gets anxious about her dogs and cats, and eventually I will need to find them a home, and my siblings and I will need to sell her house. I am DPOA, but I feel so guilty, and I think I don't have the right to make these decisions without her consent, yet, she has not insight. We tried in-home care, but my mother sends them away and refuses them entrance. She has always been very formidible, stubborn and independent. So, that won't be an option. I am very confused. Any advise would be appreciated. I can't believe how poorly I handle things. I have been giving people advise and information for years. It is so different when they are your own parent. Thank you, Lorrie

Posted on 2010/12/29 23:51

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