Re: Am I letting go of too much?

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normal Re: Am I letting go of too much?

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Grief is a tricky thing, as are memories. At times, memories can bring us tremendous comfort - I still take comfort when I have a cold in using Vicks Vap-o-Rub, probably just because my mom used to rub it on my chest when I was a youngster. For whatever reason, I immediately feel better. This hitching post of memories - the timeshare - may have that effect on you. On the other hand, it may only bring heartache and remind you of loss.

The difficulty lies in the nature of grief, especially when dealing with two losses in a year. It takes time to understand what grief's long-term effect is - and will be - on us. It's normal to have feelings of tremendous ambiguity in going back to someplace familiar, especially early on.

Widows and widowers may take months (occasionally even years) to go through their loved one's clothes. But, frequently, they begin to find a connection to those old clothes. I can't begin to tell you how often wives have told me about wearing their husbands work shirts to sleep in. It comforts them - not all of them, not all the time, but some of the time, indeed, often. The caution here is that you not do something irrevocable.

It may very well be that the old place will only have value as it stays in cherished memories. But, it may well be that sometime later, with a special loved one - a grandchild, for instance, or perhaps a soulmate or lover - who wants to know what makes you tick - the old place will again be a source of life.

In grief, there's not a right or wrong with how to process it. Only how it works best for you. 

Posted on 2007/6/3 0:32

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