Re: another bad daughter

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From: Dallas
Posts: 262
Clearly, this topic touches a very deep nerve. Of the posts we have had in these forums for the past several years, this perhaps has received the most response, as well as the emotional response.

It's sad that so many folks have this experience: trying to care for a loved one who rejects their efforts, and does so angrily. Eric Berne spoke about having tapes that we play over and over in our heads. Those tapes project voices that we may have heard in our past and contaminate our ability to think in a more adult fashion - they prevent us from processing our experiences in a more helpful and constructive way. It's not easy to deprogram these tapes. Transactional analysis has a whole system developed to help with understanding and helping with this behavior. We all struggle with it to some extent.

My invitation, in the short space I have at this moment is to encourage some homework: 1) Try to identify the tapes you have that you keep playing over and over; 2) When you identify that a tape is playing, consciously stop, reflect upon the fact that you are playing the tape; 3) Choose to stop the tape!; 4) Choose to play a different tape ("I try to help people as much as I can. I give them the freedom to accept my help or to go in another direction. Whatever they choose is their choice, not mine. In any case, I know I love them and have given them the opportunity to receive my care. I can only do what they let me do."

In any case, when you allow that tape to play, you become a victim of the tape that was, somehow, implanted in you - the tape that says, "You're a bad daughter." I am not a particular advocate of any school of psychology. In this case, though, Berne's words may be appropriate and may offer a way to help make sense of the struggles expressed in this thread. The fact that the thread is titled as it is serves as an interesting demonstration that such a tape is playing. For more on TA and Eric Berne, go to the following link:

Posted on 2006/12/14 9:46

<strong><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="color:#990000;">For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.<br /><br />--H.L. Mencken</span></span></strong> <img src="

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