Re: alcoholism is eating me!

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normal Re: alcoholism is eating me!

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From: Dallas
Posts: 262
Hi, JulieSmith!

Welcome to ElderHope. Thanks for posting. It sounds as though there's a lot of pain and guilt going on for you right now. A counselor I had one time told me that we misunderstand guilt. We treat it as though it's something to punish us: It's not. It's there as an alarm, like a smoke alarm, to tell us that something needs attention. If we only hear punishment then we've missed the point and the message of guilt - to get our attention. Sadly, when we hear the voice of punishment or that we're bad and we react to that feeling rather than trying to correct what we're being alarmed about, we end up getting ourselves into a cycle of failure that was never intended by that old alarm: The alarm was saying change something - all we heard was I did something wrong. I'm not an addiction counselor. You really need to talk with someone who does that kind of work. But, I will tell you that if you just feel guilt over your son's struggles, you won't help him. Take some steps to change things - real steps, practical steps.

I think you know that there is no membership, as such, in AA. You just go to the meetings. You just show up. Show up two, three, four, however many times a week it takes you to get a handle on things in your life - or, perhaps better phrased, to let go of things.

Our job as parents of young children is to do the best job we can raising our kids. To teach them, let them make mistakes, share in their triumphs and lives. We all make mistakes doing that task. Never yet was someone able to do it perfectly. All of us, every single one of us, leave permanent scars on our kids. Anybody who says we don't is peddling something - don't buy it. Your son is on his own now. The best thing you can do for him is to show him how to live like an adult, to be an adult yourself (address your addiction), and try to figure out how you keep yourself together (or let your Higher Power keep you together).

I have no idea about anything related to medical stabilization. Addiction (as you may have noticed) is not a specialty or something I'm that familiar with. Certainly, you should consult with a physician and perhaps seek placement in a treatment facility. That would be a great place to start.

But, a big part of me says that if you've really been sober for two years you know more about all of this subject than to say that "I also tried to get a membership in Alcoholics Anonymous, but I don't know who to approach." You just go. Go ten times. Each time talk to someone there.  Talk to the group. Ultimately, that's how you join. Then, you find someone to sponsor you. There's no elaborate membership ritual - you just go and share and  lean on others who are going and sharing.

When you've gone to the meetings then you'll be in a better place to decide what to do next. Take care of yourself and you're son may have a fighting chance.

Of course, as the footer on the bottom of the page says, "You should ALWAYS consult with a medical doctor, licensed mental health provider, legal counselor, or clergyperson knowledgeable with your situation." Truly, I don't know enough to be familiar in any way with your situation. It's all only a guess.

Take care, JulieSmith. Take care of yourself. And do something about it. Posting here was a start. I hope this helps.

I just prayed for you...

Posted on 2006/11/4 0:24

<strong><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="color:#990000;">For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.<br /><br />--H.L. Mencken</span></span></strong> <img src="

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