Re: another bad daughter

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PamP 

normal Re: another bad daughter

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Just popping in
Joined:
2006/10/28
Posts: 1
Diane,

I sympathize with your situation. I found your post by searching for "bad daughter". I, too, feel like a bad daughter. What I would like to know is WHY you feel like a bad daughter?

Do you feel like you SHOULD take care of her? Who told you that it was your job to take care of her? Do you feel guilty if you don't take care of her?

I personally think it is the SHOULDs in our lives that cause us stress.

Another reply to your post (Barb) said the following:
Quote:
A really wise person once told me that I had to understand that I would NEVER be able to make another family member happy - that no matter what I did or said, I could not make her happy. Period. So, once I understood that, it really did take some of the pressure off of me and my expectations about our relationship.


I found that bit helpful. The SHOULD in my expectation in my relationship with others is that it is my responsibility to make them happy. I become angry when I cannot fulfill this expectation. I also ASSUME many things about what others expect from me (I didn't even ask).

So Diane, what would happen if you asked your mother to live in an elder care facility? Mine has already told me, she would never live in a nursing home!

BTW, I am only 45, an only child. My mother is Deaf (all her life), legally-blind, and a stubborn independant individual. Communication with her can be difficult (mostly because she is stubborn)!

Right now, I wish she would pass away. I have been her "parent" since I was 11 or 12. I absolutely hate the fact that I'm the ONLY one who communicates with her. I avoid her like the plaque. I feel guilty because she is not happy. I feel guilty because this is not how a mother/daughter relationship should be. Note the 'should'.

It seems to me that some mothers still try to control their adult children. They manipulate, twist things and even lie when you confront them on this. Why SHOULD we put up with this? Because we feel sorry for them? Who said we had to love our parents?

On the other hand, some of her problems aren't her own fault and there is no one else to help her.

I'm so sorry Diane, it is difficult to take care of an aging parent. I hope that someone else can post and help both of us. 'Cause I'm not coping at all right now.

Pam


Posted on 2006/10/28 18:38




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