Re: another bad daughter

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Quite a regular
From: Rowlett
Posts: 56
Dear Diane:
I'm sure that you have already considered and discussed the option of your mother moving to a retirement community or, depending upon her needs, an assisted living center . . . this way, she can live near you but not WITH you. Also, are there no other family members with whom she can live for a time? Maybe, she can live some time with one family member and other months with you . . . or, if all else fails and you really have no other option than she living with you - can you and your husband get away every once in a while for a weekend or something, so that you can cope a little better?
A really wise person once told me that I had to understand that I would NEVER be able to make another family member happy - that no matter what I did or said, I could not make her happy. Period. So, once I understood that, it really did take some of the pressure off of me and my expectations about our relationship. If your mother is going to be living with you for some time, I'd consider doing all you can to protect your boundaries and well-being, knowing that you are the only one that can do that!! Try to not take everything that she says personally; go for long walks; find support from other people; take reallllly long walks:); and do whatever you can to take care of yourself in the process.
I'm sure that other readers can offer even better thoughts about ways of coping because we've ALL encountered somewhat similar situations like this with other people, one way or another. Please let us know if we can offer any more suggestions regarding my options above . . . believe me when I say, I am sorry for your current struggles and past ones - it sounds as though you have gone through quite a lot in your life. Please take care . . . Barb

Posted on 2006/9/14 8:39

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