Re: Remarriage After Death

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Joined:
2003/4/26
From: Dallas
Posts: 262
Coastalgirl66:

I was saddened to read of the death of your mother. I cannot imagine how hard the past year has been for you.

I was hoping someone else would respond to your post as I think it means more for other folks to give their thoughts. But, in the absence of other thoughts, I will offer a few of mine in the category of for what it's worth.

It is not unusual for men especially to try to cope with their grief and loneliness via remarriage, depression, or worse. It may be a good thing in some cases, that we find companionship. It is often a desperately lonely thing for a male to be alone. But, it is often wise counsel that says that we should postpone major decisions for a year or so after a loss. It is, nontheless, the human condition to try to alleviate our pain in too hurriedly a manner. What interpretations have you given to his suddeness in creating this marriage?

I guess the whole thing, as you describe it, is sad. Sad for your bereavement grief and the compounded grief that I imagine you feel in the emotional distance you likely feel from your father. Sad that he cannot find companionship AND experience your blessing. Sad that he married someone who cannot seem to reach out to you in your grief and invite you in. Sad that you may have done irreparable harm to a relationship that maybe he is finding joy in, despite your indications to the contrary. Sad that he may be doubly unhappy now. Sad that, if he is not happy, he may not feel free to confide in you now that you have rejected his choice. Sad that he appears not to be able to remarry in a year without your approval and without it being a rejection of your mother. Many children pray for their lonely parent to find someone they care for after the love of their life is gone. Even now, I find myself praying that, should I ever have to "shed this mortal coil" that my Beloved would find someone who would treat her well and spend life together with her...

What do you want to do with this situation? What canyou do with this situation? What are your choices? Continue in a battle that you cannot win? Isolation a.k.a. The CutOff? Or putting down the weapons and loving him (if not her) as best you can? I don't know. But, assuming that you love him, what choice, in an existential sense, do you have but to love him?

And one more sad thing... I don't like being negative. I want to be always affirming. I don't want to be hard. But, I also care. So, there it is...

Of course, this could all be just a meandering load of crap...

I do wish you the best and said a prayer for you and him. I am willing, as able, to continue the conversation.


Posted on 2006/6/19 20:56


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