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From: Rowlett
Posts: 56
Dear Arlene,
Your story touched my heart in many ways . . . I feel sorrow for the struggles and suffering that your mother and you are experiencing during this time. You mentioned that you have many resources and support, which is very good, but, it also sounds as though the pain of watching your mother's discomfort is almost overwhelming. It can be so hard to be with someone you love who is experiencing pain or misery. After my father suffered a massive stroke, those six months that I cared for him were so difficult, mostly, because I felt so helpless to really help him, despite the physical therapy, skilled nursing, and medicine for pain control. I, too, was blessed with support and resources, but still felt great pain for my father's experience - it was as if he was trapped within a body that failed him.
So, I felt anger, grief for the father I once knew and the relationship that we had, sorrow for his pain and guilt for being unable to "fix" his pain (of soul, spirit, as well as body).
All the resources in the world were unable to really help . . . except for those family members and friends who allowed me to share my feelings and were there for me when I needed something - sometimes, being able to just talk and cry lightened the pain somewhat and I felt a little more energy and love to care for my father.
Please take time out for yourself and let others help when they can so that you, too, will have enough of "you" to continue caring for your mother. Do you think that perhaps a caregiver support group would be helpful? Oftentimes, faith communities and/or senior centers offer these types of support groups and they can give you the opportunity to find nurturance,perspective, and insight from the experiences of others.
Also, please keep in touch - we genuinely care about your mother's and your welfare and well-being. We will certainly keep you and your mother in thought and prayer, Arlene. Most sincerely yours, Barb

Posted on 2001/6/17 10:17

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