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Joined:
2003/4/26
From: Dallas
Posts: 262
Dear Peggy:

We here at ElderHope offer you our deepest condolences in the loss of your dear husband. I cannot imagine how hard it must be, especially to lose him at a relatively young age.

Religion often is reported as one factor that does seem to help, though many people also report being angry at God, or perhaps abandoned. Still, relationship with God can feel like a safe place where one can explore feelings, process the loss, etc.

Is it normal to cry? Yes, and yes, and yes. To cry over and over again til it seems there are no more tears left, and then to cry some more. Yes, it is normal. It is almost like the old television series The Outer Limits: "Do not attempt to adjust your television set. We control the vertical. We control the horizontal." In this case, for some time, your grief will feel like it controls all. That is natural and as it should be. You have suffered one of the greatest of all losses. It will take a considerable amount of time to make sense of all you've been through. In the book by Thomasa Attig Relearning the World he explains that the grief process involves relearning everything we know about the world we live in: Who we are in the world without our loved one; Who are loved one is to us now, now that they are dead; Who we are in society (single, married, dating, looking, not looking etc); and Who we are to ourselves without our loved one - we have to look after ourselves, etc. This kind of tidal, or pehaps tsunamic, personal change does not come easily or quickly.

So, you are normal, though it is natural to ask - after a loss like yours everything feels so surrealistic.

I think it will help to go to work - if your workplace is supportive. Many people finds that it does help - just don't be hard on yourself if its hard to focus, etc for a while. That, too, is normal.

While our site happily welcomes its arms to those of any faith and those of none, we do want you to know that we are praying for you.


Posted on 2005/4/9 4:23


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<strong><span style="font-size:medium;"><span style="color:#990000;">For every human problem, there is a neat, simple solution; and it is always wrong.<br /><br />--H.L. Mencken</span></span></strong> <img src="http://www.elderhope.com/uploads/smil3db...


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