Re: father passed away few weeks ago

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Re: father passed away few weeks ago

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From: Dallas
Posts: 262
Barb and I want to express our condolences in the death of your father. I can tell that he was a very special person to you.

There are three elements that complicate this for you (as if you didn't already know this): lack of support (and even anger) at/from siblings, the suddenness of his death, and the clse bond that you shared.

Each of these elements notch up the sense of sorrow you experience just a little more (or maybe a lot more). Each one of them has some facet that makes the experience of the pain a little worse. For instance, the suddenness: Sudden loss has extra pain because you weren't able, perhaps to be with him at the end as you would have liked, because the end came without warning, and perhaps because you didn't get to say some things you wanted to.

So, yes, your grief experience, as you have described it, is normal. Normal asks tend to feel like they detract from where we are at, processing the death of our loved one. The main work you are doing is processing the death of your father: For most people, everything else is just stuff.

I hope that this helps and that other visitors can share their experience and encouragement. I'm glad your husband is there for you! I hope you will continue to express the emotions that this experience brings to your heart. Also, you may want to try journaling: writing down some of the feelings that you have about your father, his death, and related experiences. Sometimes, too, people tell me that it helps to write a final "goodbye" letter to their loved one, even if they aren't alive. Share all that you would like to have said to him (like all that could be expressed on paper). In my experience, this letter thing and the journaling seem to resonate with people more than any other thing that they have tried.

Posted on 2003/3/28 8:06

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