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Just popping in
From: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 8
It will soon be six months since my mother died. I just re-read my many postings during that time. It helped so much to write about how I was feeling. Now I realize just what a "dark night of the soul" I was having. Grieving takes time. At first I wanted it to be over. I thought that was all I needed was to have it over. Then I realized that the process takes its own time in its own way. I am not struggling to have it over. I find myself "sitting" with it, like you would do with a friend at the kitchen table. Sometimes remembering the agony in a flash back, and other times just telling myself that I did the best in an extraordinary situation.
Sunday will be Mother's Day. It will be the first time in all my 56 years that I will not be with her on that day. My grieving takes the shape of an extrication. I am separating myself from her and finding out who I am.
A good part of my life has been spent taking care of her in one way or another. So Sunday I will celebrate my own role of being mother to two adult children. For the first time I am free to feel and celebrate my own beauty of motherhood. I will always be grateful for the life my mother gave me in childbirth. On Sunday I will light a candle for her as I celebrate motherhood.

Posted on 2002/5/9 11:21

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