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Re: Caring for ill parent while coping with well parent
Posted by: 4Hope Posted on: 2003/9/29 9:10
Dear Jane,
After reading your message, I have to say that you, your brothers and family deserve heartfelt "pats on the back" for all the help you have been giving your parents, while trying to honor their wishes and needs. It's really hard when you know what needs to be done for your parent's care and well-being, but find roadblocks every step of the way. I completely agree with Mike (who is feeling a little better today:)) and feel that a family meeting, which concludes with a better understanding of each person's desires and a unified front to present to your mother, is needed at this time. Regarding your wish to not upset your mother with extra help . . .You may want to suggest to your mother that you want to contact a few other agencies to interview a few people ahead of time, just in case you need a backup person(s) to help with your father's care. Then, start having them come in a few times a week and tell your mother that it's important to make sure that you've hired the right person for the job. The point is, you may need do what's best for your father's care while helping your mother feel that she is still the primary caregiver and is needed. As Mike said, keep your mother in the loop by asking her to help with interviewing some of the potential caregivers, encouraging her to continue with as much of the personal care for your father, etc. Lastly, you have to make sure to take care of yourself while caring for so many other people. This may be the hardest part for you, but please believe that it is the most important caregiving that you can do - you can't give what you don't have . . . please let us know how you all are coming along. Sure hope that this helps in some way!
Most sincerely, Barb